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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to discover that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

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Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|